Lately it has bothered me when I say to friends and supporters “thanks for helping me chase my dream” because honestly, this wasn’t my dream. And I shouldn’t get credit for dreaming this bobsled life up.
My dream was much smaller, less detailed, and quite frankly, seen through my tunnel vision eyes.
Back in 2014, I wrote multiple times in my journal that I wanted to travel the world and I wanted to compete at a high level. But, what it looked like to me, was I would travel one day with my husband when I retired, and my competing days looked way over. Or, I could maybe get into coaching and live vicariously through that.
Three years later and I am still in awe of how Jesus took the desires of my heart and did exceedingly, abundantly more than I could even think or ask for! (Ephesians 3:20)
But, I still find myself with tunnel vision even after God has opened doors that I didn’t even know existed. I look and rationalize in the natural. I pray to the supernatural God but find myself falling back to seeing my circumstances in my eyes of how I can handle them and what people can do for me instead of what the Creator of the universe can.
A few months back, I was talking to my mom on the phone and I was really bummed out. I had this whole plan of how I thought my summer was going to go and then everything I planned started to crumble. There just weren’t any other options, and it started to deflate my hope.
Sometimes, I am a stronger Christian in my journals than I can be at times in real life:
2/14/2019 I wrote:
“No powers in hell will not defeat me because I know the King on the throne! I am not sure how this season/summer/bobsled career will go, but I know His will be done.”
3/30/2019 I wrote:
“It’s funny to look back only two months ago and remember my own perfect little plan I had for my life/summer and how small-minded I was thinking. Thank you, Jesus for wrecking what I thought I wanted because to be honest, I get depressed thinking about my plan I had.”
Again, Jesus took my plans, and gave me a better plan. It doesn’t make it easy when it’s happening but the joy is worth it in the end.
I am heading to Colorado Springs this summer to live and train at the Olympic Training Center, and then in July, I’m heading to Peru for 3 1/2 weeks to help at the Pan American games (1 of 2 selected for the job!) Neither of these two things were on my radar when I planned my initial ‘perfect little summer,’ and now, I am absolutely over the top elated and thankful!
Are you letting your tunnel vision steal your hope too? I encourage you to fight your emotions daily and find your hope and joy in the Supernatural One! He does actually know what He’s doing :)
6/8/2019 06:46:50 pm
Thank you Nicole for being so forward with your faith in this journey! I’ve struggled immensely over this year with my relationship with God & standing assured in who He is. Hearing your story & reading your blog has kept my hope alive! Thank you for making an impact!
8/4/2019 02:08:22 pm
Micaela, thank you for your response! Honestly, when I write these blogs, I am preaching and reassuring myself too, because I struggle. Thank you for taking the time to read and respond, your support helps me continue trusting and believing too!
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